True Self is the meaning of the True Will...

if you aren't happy with your life the way you've made it so far, releases the magickal power within you to make it wonderful. All you have to do is begin........

Hi Seb, I hope you are well. I hope you find the time to read this e-mail with patience and understanding.First let me tell you about my situation and how I feel and then you can tell me if or how you are able to help me.

I'm 24, a gay man. I have not been sexually active for some time. Most of my friends don't understand why I cant find a boyfriend or at least a 'shag', they say 'you're a sweet looking guy you should have no problem meeting someone.' However, I know that the problems lies within me. I have very low self-esteem when it comes to my body and how i feel about it. There is nothing wrong with it externally except that I don't have a very large penis, I guess its average to small. However, in my mind I have shut down sexually. I feel I'm a very sexual person who is blocked or trapped by his internal inhabitions and low self- esteem. I feel tremendous pressure from the gay world to be the biggest, the most hung, the prettiest - u know what I mean. I'm looking for a serious relationship and if I'm to find the man of my dreams I must sort this problem out. Its causing me a lot of stress and even depression and I'm not sexually active which I really need to be.

I'm usually more passive, very sensual and sweet. The thought of going to a 'masseur' like you has crossed my mind a few times but I never really wanted to 'pay for it' as they say - there was an element of shame in having to pay someone, almost like you are not good enough to get it on your own. However I need to do this for myself if I'm going to sort my problem out.

I'm genuine and it took a lot of soul searching to get to the point of writing this e-mail. Can you help me?

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this e-mail.

Yours, XXX.

Hello Sexy,

I am sure many identify with what you are saying in your email. When we feel low we never know what exactly is making us feel down. And when we are down we don't feel as wonderful about ourselves as we should do. So it's difficult to solve this problem because we don't know exactly what's causing it.

A very clever client once told me "if your life does not exactly add up...you need to subtract". You need to make space. You need to make space for what ever it is you want to happen. You need to be brave. You need to do things that scare the bollox out of you. Because that will give you a buzz. That will give you energy. It will give you such an energy that you will become alive and want more energy. You'll want more life. You will become more interesting, wiser and most importantly you will be sexier.

But to be practical, because that's just my life's philosophy. I would like you to start at the beginning. Start with touch. I want you to do a course in massage. And don't say you have not got the time. We have already spoken about that. When you have finished the course in massage then it's time to do a course in self-defence. I know many young gay men are taking up kickboxing. You could start with a few private lessons to give you confidence to go to the classes.

PENIS SIZE DOES MATTER, we have to be honest about that. Some gay men will only have sex with men who have big ones, on the other hand their are many who see a man as a "complete package" and see intimacy with another man as more than shoving a few inches into an orifice.  

Don't be so negative about men who sleep around on your gaydar profile. That's simply not a valued argument. Because casual sex is a gift. It's a gift from G(o)D. He invented it. But we own the copywrite. In other words if men didn't sleep around, there would be a lot more aggression, unhappiness and a lot less love in this world.

So my advise in a nut shell is start with touch, massage is a great way of opening men up to a deeper sexual experience. Learn a physical discipline, that will make you feel more confident about yourself. And indulge yourself in lots of casual safe sex that will awaken you and your sexuality. Butt only have sex with men who you really fancy. Don't do it for the sake of doing it. I wish you love, and lust on your sacred journey. Seb Cox